remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
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We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
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Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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