how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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