Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
