My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
