im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
