She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
We have so much sex to catch up on
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
