Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
