you win again, gameday.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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