she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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