I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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