John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I still have a little drunk in my system
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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