I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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