i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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