I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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