No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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