i think my mom watched the whole time
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
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