I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
