Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
