Pappa wants mamma naked
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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