Who did Billy Mays play for?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
you are never too drunk for berry picking
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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