Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
