remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
