did you get engaged???
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
