I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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