I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
