I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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