I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
