It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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