Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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