me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
