I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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