walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
