and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
