i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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