He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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