im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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