I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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