I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
