woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
