chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
