I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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