There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.