just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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