Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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