Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
