Whatcha textin bout Willis?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize