my vag is so smooth its legendary
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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