Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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