ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
