I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
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Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
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well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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