i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
