he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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