jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
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I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
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You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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