I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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