So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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