Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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