Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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