He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize