if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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