I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
