take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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