It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
